Resolved! Counselling for Children could help your child feel more comfortable in their own skin. Wouldn’t it be great to see them free of that anxiety once more?

It can be heartbreaking to see your son or daughter suffering from a lack of self-confidence. We can look at them and see their qualities, their strengths and how decent they are as young people and yet they seem blind to everything but their flaws, weaknesses and the way in which everybody else seems so much better at everything.

At Resolved! Counselling for Children I’ve been working with adults, adolescents and children for years, helping them to build a better sense of self and confidence in their own abilities and virtues. If you live in (or around) Reading or Oxford then perhaps I could help your child too.

I also offer counselling and psychotherapy for self-confidence online, using vsee, whatsapp, zoom. Please get in touch for details.

What are the major ingredients of self-confidence?

self-confidence in childrenPsychology Today, in 2000 AD, identified three major qualities in those who possessed self-confidence. The first is ‘competence’. This is the ability to achieve a goal OR the confidence that such skills and qualities could be worked upon and developed. People who lack self-confidence tell themselves that their abilities aren’t good enough and can’t be improved upon, that they’ll never be good enough. This self-defeating prediction all too often comes true as the person concerned simply stops trying or does so half-heartedly.

I work to help my clients realise their strengths and use them to their advantage, building motivation, resilience in the face of setbacks and failure.

The second key ingredient is ‘relatedness’. People who are self-confident feel comfortable around others and enjoy positive social relationships. The feedback and support they receive from this relatedness fuels their belief in their ability to succeed. It generates a happier and even a healthier self. People lacking in self-confidence will often withdraw from engaging with others. Others in turn will begin to disengage from them. This, again, becomes a self-perpetuating dynamic because the person concerned will see their social failure as evidence of their not being good enough. They will thus withdraw further and the vicious circle deepens.

The third ingredient is ‘autonomy’. I help my clients to realise that they can achieve their goals, working towards them in a step by step manner, recognising their achievements and building a faith in their ability to succeed. I help them to end the habit of relying too heavily on others, asking for help too soon, giving up too easily and so deepening their belief in their own helplessness.

I believe there’s a fourth key ingredient.

I believe that confident people are effective in regulating their own emotions. They know the difference between irrational fear and the adrenalised nervousness most people will feel when undertaking an important new exercise. Everybody on a stage, in a big match or performing to a crowd will feel that anxiety beforehand. They simply know how to be OK with that feeling. They accept and work with it, where people lacking in self-confidence will panic, experience rage, a sense of hopelessness or dissolve into tears when stress proves to be too much for their regulatory habits to handle. I have spent my whole career helping people to regulate their emotions more effectively. It was a very large part of my own emotional development too.

Let’s work together to get this right for your children!

contact paulThe methods I use with my clients differ greatly, depending on their age, stage and other factors too numerous to list here. I tailor the therapy to the needs of the client, working to help them to develop the four ingredients of self-confidence listed above. 

If you live in or around Oxford or Reading then perhaps Resolved! Counselling for Children could help your son or daughter to develop a greater self-respect, esteem, acceptance and thus confidence.

Call for more information on 07786123736 / 01183280284 or 01865600970. Email me at or use the contact form in the footer of this page.

I look forward to hearing from you.