Abuse and counselling for children in Reading, Oxford and beyond.

Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect: they commonly come together and they commonly produce the same effects. If you’re here, seeking help for your child, then it’s generally the case that your partner (former partner?) or another close and trusted person is the one who has inflicted this abuse upon your child. I’m truly sorry that you have to be here, if so. The good news is that you and I, working together, can work to minimise and remove the damage that this abuse has done. 

I have worked with young people in Reading and Oxford in order to help them to restore their sense of self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-worth. I have used a combination of therapies to help many people, both adults and children/teenagers, to move beyond what happened to them in the past. Perhaps I’ll be the one to help your child too.

Abuse is the most destructive thing for a child

child abuse counselling reading oxfordChildren are born in a state of utter dependency. They’re not only physically dependent upon their parents but they are also dependent upon others for their sense of self.

When a parent or other adult smiles at the child, the child feels he or she is valued. They feel good about themselves because others feel good about them too.

When a parent or other adult looks at the child with hostility or behaves in an inappropriate way towards the child then the child is equally egocentric. ‘If an adult is happy around me then that is what I have done for the adult. If the adult behaves negatively around or towards me then that is because of what I have done.’

Children think the world revolves around their own selves and they believe that the behaviour of others is a reflection of their own worth. If you are happy around them then they take responsibility for that. If you are sad, angry or depressed around them then they take responsibility for that too.

Your child has taken responsibility for too long. It’s time to free them of that burden and Resolved! Counselling for Children could help them.

Get in touch and I’ll tell you how.

If a trusted adult abuses them then they take responsibility for that too.

panic in teenagersIn my field the transfer of responsibility from adult to child is called ‘the great exchange’. Abusive adults unconsciously know this and play upon it.

Phrases such as ” this is your fault” or “you made me do that” are commonplace. 

In cases of sexual abuse the child will often be fooled into seeing it as intimacy. They may often be fooled into enjoying it, thinking of it as being what truly close relationships involve. When abusive relationships destroy the child’s sense of self even sexual abuse can be seen as a healthy and intimate experience of love. This, of course, commonly causes a massive sense of guilt later on in life. I have worked with many adults who blame themselves for what happened to themselves as teenagers or children.

Much of the therapy I practise, in Oxford, Reading and elsewhere, focuses upon reversing this sense of responsibility, placing it back upon the shoulders of the abuser and not upon the abused.

Your son or daughter no longer has to carry this weight around with them. I could help them to let the burden go. It’s time for your child to be relieved of their ‘responsibility’ for whatever has happened to them. Let’s work together to make it happen.

What can therapy do for such a child?

Therapy could help your son or daughter to build a sense of self-esteem and self-acceptance. Therapy could help your child to reverse the ‘great exchange’ and place the responsibility upon the shoulders of the abuser him or herself.

Play therapy allows a child to express and work through their feelings, processing them and letting them out. Abused children commonly learn to simply suppress them. This may be a common coping mechanism and yet it offers little in the longer term.

Other forms of therapy can teach a child to process their feelings whilst learning approaches through which a person can better manage and deal with them into the longer term.

I work to help my clients to be comfortable with having feelings, to reintegrate into these feelings, into their body and to move beyond being victims or even survivors of abuse. Your child can learn to be a fully functioning member of society with fully functioning feelings and a health sense of self. 

Get in touch with me and we’ll work together to render the effects of abuse a thing of the past.

Contact me and we’ll work together to render abuse a footnote to the life of your child.

You could call me on 07786123736 / 01865600970 or 01183280284. You could email me on paul@resolvedcounsellingforchildren.com or contact me using the form at the footer of this page. However you choose to get in touch I look forward to hearing from you.